Saturday, February 10, 2007
My Personal Goal
When I looked through the course catalog last fall and saw the Death and Bereavement class I was really intrigued. It's funny because when people asked me what I was taking this semester they were always shocked that I was taking a Death and Bereavement class. Most people would say well that's going to be a fun topic. I'm taking this class because a couple of years ago I read "Tuesdays With Morrie." After reading that book it really got me thinking about death and how I feel about it. I realized that I'm petrified of death. I don't really like to talk about it and I don't know what to say to my friends when one of their parents dies. The thought of any of my friends or family not existing just freaks me out. The thought of me not existing freaks me out. So I'm taking this class because I want to come to terms with death and accept it. I truly believe that until you accept death you can not truly live. I don't want to be one of those people who says well so and so died so now I know that life is short and I'm going to live it fully. If there's anything I've learned in my 21 years of life it's that life is short and you never know what's going to happen. I don't need someone in my life to die to tell me that. I don't want to keep living my life scared of death I want to live my life knowing that if I die tomorrow I will have done everything I wanted to do. Seasons change, people come into your life and people go. Death is a natural part of life that we all need to start talking about more.
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7 comments:
I agree that death is something that is extremely difficult to talk about because frankly, it's scary because it's unexpected, and I am an extremely planned person, so it freaks me out that I could be gone tomorrow! It bothers me because it is something that you can’t prepare for. Ideally, I want to grow old with someone who cares about me and drift off in my sleep, but unfortunately, that is not always the case, so I am interested in what your future posts will have to say about coping with death and how to welcome it in a more open way.
I think it's great a young person is writing and learning about death. Kids think they are immortal and normally don't think about it. I never did when I was young and now that I'm older I read the obituaries (every once in a while). I like to read about people who accomplished a lot. That's what I want my obituary to sound like. Morbid? No, just realism creeping in.
My grandmother drifted off in her sleep when she was 100 years old. She was such a great lady. When I think of all the things that she saw in her lifetime -- well it was staggering. ...world war I, world war II, Korean War, Vietnam War and the first Gulf War. She saw the invention of the car, the TV, the computer, the telephone and the first man on the moon. I doubt if many centarians will live to see so much in their lifetimes. But she never seemed to fear death. She didn't like getting old. I remember when she was 97 and in the nursing home she told me that it was terrible to get old. Can you imagine not thinking you were old until you were 97? But that's the kind of lady she was. When the friends she grew up with died she found younger friends. She outlived everyone of her 8 brothers and sisters and she was the oldest. At her funeral those who attended were about 50 years younger than she was. To me her death was sad because I could no longer see her. But her death was a testimony to who she was, what she saw and what she did for 100 years. Who could ask for more?
Oh, I wish more young people were this thoughtful! Of course you're scared of death-- but it takes a lot of wisdom and courage to look it in the eye and say "Death, I'm going to get to know you as well as I possibly can; I'll demystify you". That's impressive. I don't think I came to terms with death until my father died-- and I was in my 40s. To be honest, I'm still not totally comfortable with the idea of dying-- I'm more in line with Woody Allen's thought: "It's not that I mind the idea of dying-- I just don't want to be there when it happens." Amen! Good luck in your journey of growth. You sound like a fine person.
I compliment you on attacking what can be a difficult topic. In my family, my father always told us to be pragmatic -- death is a given. Yet, I never stop thinking about my mother who died nine ears ago and it painful to think about those we have lost. I will continue to chceck in and read your blog!
I think it is definitely painful to think about those who we have lost. I am definitely going to try and tackle death and become as comfortable as I can with it. I like what one of you said about how you read the obituaries. I think we all do and I think we all want our obituaries to sound like we accomplished a lot. If they didn't then it would seem like we didn't make much of an impact while we here and in a way just a waste of a space.
You hit the nail on the head by linking death with imagining that one doesn't exist. That's pretty much what it's all about: the impossibility of (self-) consciousness.
But it's interesting to note that all of us have actually already experienced not existing: just remember what things were like before your were born.
I suspect that when you come right down to it, "after-death" is simply the same as "before-birth."
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